Real Housewives of Atlanta… the modern day soap opera

Now that the dust has settled I must say, bitch, RHOA’s part four of the season 9 reunion has snatched my wig to all be damned, honey! It wasn’t until today, nearly three weeks after the episode aired that I thought to myself, this shit is just too good to be true. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or Rhodes scholar to know my disdain for Phaedra Parks, Esq. and to a certain extent, Porsha Williams, but to deny that they orchestrated one of biggest moment in Housewives history since perhaps RHONJ’s season 4 “stripper gate” finale would be a total understatement.

Now, to understand the depth of this wig snatcherization, you have to go DEEP into the ANALS (you know what I mean…) of RHOA history starting with Phaedra’s Season 3 introduction. I wrote a pretty detailed piece on all of Phaedra’s scheming and plotting against cast members, and that all came to a culmination of part four of the reunion. Now someone’s dumb ass is probably reading this wondering why I included Porsha. Well, let’s be clear. Had Porsha not strutted her alligator mouth ass on NATIONAL TELEVISION and repeated to the lie told to her by Phaedra this would not have happened.  I know y’all mommas taught you that just because your friend jumps off the bridge that doesn’t mean your ass should do the same! Well, Porsha jumped off the bridge, but what Phaedra did not know (or probably did) was that Porsha stole Phaedra’s parachute and left Phaedra to come tumbling down.

For all of her dumb shenanigans Porsha is perhaps the most underestimated cast member of RHOA. Look no further than her persistence in driving a wedge between Kandi Burruss-Tucker and Phaedra by CONSTANTLY inserting herself in a situation that had absolutely NOTHING to do with her. It was Porsha that initially suggested on camera that Kandi was not being a “loyal” friend through Kandi’s willingness to move forward and apologize to Kenya Moore after Phaedra’s now ex-husband Apollo Nida admitted that he lied on Kenya during their bitter feud which caused all of the cast members as well as the viewers to brand Kenya with a scarlett letter and label her a hoe amongst housewives. That coupled with the fact that Kandi did not fight Phaedra’s battles on camera now made Kandi an enemy to the bitter and revengeful Phaedra.

Through all of Phaedra and Kandi’s attempts to reconcile, there was jabber jaw Porsha on the sidelines adding fuel to the fire. Porsha was so protective of Phaedra at this time, you would have thought Porsha had asked to eat Phaedra’s pussy until she came! She was so protective of Phaedra that she sacrificed a LIFE LONG FRIEND in Shamea Morton to continue their alliance friendship. Again, don’t underestimate the Princess of Thotland. She married Kordell Stewart for a come up, agreeing to be his beard, and in one of the smoothest moves of season 9, read a private text aloud to the group which effectively ended Kenya and Phaedra’s reconciliation, doing it with the same smile on her face when she began to create the wedge that is deeper than the ocean and wider than river that Mama Joyce crosses daily to ensure Todd Tucker doesn’t steal a dime from Kandi. So, when both Porsha and Phaedra jumped from that bridge again, it was Porsha who sneakily took swimming lessons for good measure and packed a parachute for extra security and leaving Phaedra hanging in perhaps the most epic moment in RHOA since Sheree Whitfield “shifted” Kim Zolciak’s wig.

It wasn’t Kenya nor Kandi who ended Phaedra, it was the frack to Phaedra’s frick that shoveled the last plot of dirt on those caskets Phaedra’s going to be selling now that Andy Cohen has confirmed she no longer has a peach. Porsha let the world know that Kandi sent a cease and desist letter, and would allow Phaedra to answer all questions regarding the rumor not because she’s an attorney who never wins a case, but because Phaedra was the one who told her the rumor the WHOLE FUCKING TIME!

The WHOLE FUCKING TIME IN HAWAII might I add when Porsha went down in flames for being a liar, the master manipulator drunk wine and didn’t bat one eyelash. THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME you guys. Just like Phaedra sat back and allowed the cast and you the viewers to slander Kenya for being a whore while knowing none of the accusations were true. THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME when Phaedra filmed with NeNe’s sisters during season 4 of RHOA, but got blocked because NeNe pulled her weight and got the scene cut from the season. THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!

Man, if that isn’t some amazing television with a side dose of karma then I don’t know what is. That my friends is television. That is why Phaedra’s ass isn’t coming back, and honestly because Porsha ran with the story probably shouldn’t return either. THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME! These bitches are going to send me to the crazy house. I feel like bouncing off of a wall, or at the very least, jumping off a bridge without a parachute.

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